Searchlights on Health by B. G. Jefferis and J. L. Nichols

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Title: Searchlights on Health
The Science of Eugenics

Author: B. G. Jefferis and J. L. Nichols

Release Date: September 12, 2004 [EBook #13444]

Language: English

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SEARCHLIGHTS ON HEALTH

THE SCIENCE OF EUGENICS


* * * * *

A Guide to Purity and Physical Manhood
Advice to Maiden, Wife and Mother
Love, Courtship, and Marriage


* * * * *


By

PROF. B.G. JEFFERIS, M.D., PH. D.

and

J.L. NICOLS, A.M.



_With Excerpts from Well-Known Authorities_

REV. LEONARD DAWSON
DR. M.J. SAVAGE
REV. H.R. HAWEIS
DR. PANCOAST
DR. STALL
DR. J.F. SCOTT
DR. GEORGE NAPHEYS
DR. STOCKHAM
DR. T.D. NICHOLLS
DR. R.L. DUGDALE
DR. JOHN COWAN
DR. M.L. HOLBROOK

* * * * *

Published by
J.L. NICHOLS & COMPANY
Naperville, Illinois, U.S.A.
1920
AGENTS WANTED


"Vice has no friend like the prejudice which claims to be
virtue."--_Lord Lytton._


"When the judgment's weak, the prejudice is strong."--_Kate O'Hare._


"It is the first right of every child to be well born."


* * * * *


COPYRIGHTED 1919,

BY

J.L. NICHOLS & CO.

OVER 1,000,000 COPIES SOLD


* * * * *

TABLE OF CONTENTS.

[Transcriber's Note: This Table of Contents does not appear in
the original book. It has been added to this document for ease of
navigation.]

Knowledge is Safety, page 3
The Beginning of Life, page 5
Health a Duty, page 7
Value of Reputation, page 9
Influence of Associates, page 11
Self-Control, page 12
Habit, page 17
A Good Name, page 18
The Mother's Influence, page 21
Home Power, page 23
To Young Women, page 26
Influence of Female Character, page 30
Personal Purity, page 31
How To Write All Kinds of Letters, page 34
How To Write a Love Letter, page 37
Forms of Social Letters, page 39
Letter Writing, page 43
Forms of Love Letters, page 44
Hints and Helps on Good Behavior at All Times and at All Places, page 49
A Complete Etiquette in a Few Practical Rules, page 52
Etiquette of Calls, page 56
Etiquette in Your Speech, page 57
Etiquette of Dress and Habits, page 58
Etiquette on the Street, page 59
Etiquette Between Sexes, page 60
Practical Rules on Table Manners, page 63
Social Duties, page 65
Politeness, page 70
Influence of Good Character, page 73
Family Government, page 76
Conversation, page 79
The Toilet or The Care of the Person, page 84
A Young Man's Personal Appearance, page 86
Dress, page 88
Beauty, page 91
Sensible Helps to Beauty, page 95
How to Keep the Bloom and Grace of Youth, page 97
Form and Deformity, page 98
How to Determine a Perfect Human Figure, page 99
The History, Mystery, Benefits and Injuries of the Corset, page 101
Tight-Lacing, page 104
The Care of the Hair, page 107
How to Cure Pimples or Other Facial Eruptions, page 111
Black-Heads and Flesh Worms, page 112
Love, page 114
The Power and Peculiarities of Love, page 118
Amativeness or Connubial Love, page 122
Love and Common Sense, page 123
What Women Love in Men, page 126
What Men Love in Women, page 129
History of Marriage, page 132
Marriage, page 134
The Advantages of Wedlock, page 135
The Disadvantages of Celibacy, page 138
Old Maids, page 140
When and Whom to Marry, page 144
Choose Intellectually--Love Afterward, page 148
Love-Spats, page 154
A Broken Heart, page 159
Former Customs and Peculiarities Among Men, page 162
Sensible Hints in Choosing a Partner, page 165
Safe Hints, page 170
Marriage Securities, page 174
Women Who Make the Best Wives, page 178
Adaptation, Conjugal Affection, and Fatal Errors, page 181
First Love, Desertion and Divorce, page 185
Flirting and Its Dangers, page 190
A Word to Maidens, page 192
Popping the Question, page 194
The Wedding, page 200
Advice to Newly Married Couples, page 201
Sexual Proprieties and Improprieties, page 206
How to Perpetuate the Honey-Moon, page 209
How to Be a Good Wife, page 210
How to Be a Good Husband, page 211
Cause of Family Troubles, page 217
Jealousy--Its Cause and Cure, page 219
The Improvement of Offspring, page 222
Too Many Children, page 229
Small Families and the Improvement of the Race, page 232
The Generative Organs, page 234
The Female Sexual Organs, page 235
The Mysteries of the Formation of Life, page 238
Conception--Its Limitations, page 240
Prenatal Influences, page 244
Vaginal Cleanliness, page 246
Impotence and Sterility, page 248
Producing Boys or Girls at Will, page 252
Abortion or Miscarriage, page 253
The Murder of Innocents, page 256
The Unwelcome Child, page 258
Health and Disease, page 263
Preparation for Maternity, page 266
Impregnation, page 269
Signs and Symptoms of Pregnancy, page 270
Diseases of Pregnancy, page 274
Morning Sickness, page 282
Relation of Husband and Wife During Pregnancy, page 283
A Private Word to the Expectant Mother, page 284
Shall Pregnant Women Work?, page 285
Words for Young Mothers, page 286
How to Have Beautiful Children, page 288
Education of the Child in the Womb, page 292
How to Calculate the Time of Expected Labor, page 295
The Signs and Symptoms of Labor, page 297
Special Safeguards in Confinement, page 299
Where Did the Baby Come From?, page 303
Child Bearing Without Pain, page 304
Solemn Lessons for Parents, page 312
Ten Health Rules for Babies Cut Death Rate in Two, page 314
The Care of New-Born Infants, page 315
Nursing, page 317
Infantile Convulsions, page 319
Feeding Infants, page 319
Pains and Ills in Nursing, page 321
Home Lessons in Nursing Sick Children, page 325
A Table for Feeding a Baby on Modified Milk, page 329
Nursing [Intervals Table], page 329
Schedule for Feeding Healthy Infants During First Year [Table], page 329
How to Keep a Baby Well, page 330
How to Preserve the Health and Life of Your Infant During
Hot Weather, page 332
Infant Teething, page 336
Home Treatments for the Diseases of Infants and Children, page 338
Diseases of Women, page 348
Falling of the Womb, page 350
Menstruation, page 351
Celebrated Prescriptions for All Diseases and How to Use Them, page 354
How to Cure Apoplexy, Bad Breath and Quinsy, page 365
Sensible Rules for the Nurse, page 366
Longevity, page 367
How to Apply and Use Hot Water in All Diseases, page 368
Practical Rules for Bathing, page 371
All the Different Kinds of Baths and How to Prepare Them, page 372
Digestibility of Food, page 374
How to Cook for the Sick, page 375
Save the Girls, page 380
Save the Boys, page 390
The Inhumanities of Parents, page 396
Chastity and Purity of Chracter, page 400
Exciting the Passions in Children, page 404
Puberty, Virility, and Hygenic Laws, page 406
Our Secret Sins, page 409
Physical and Moral Degeneracy, page 414
Immorality, Disease, and Death, page 416
Poisonous Literature and Bad Pictures, page 421
Startling Sins, page 423
The Prostitution of Men, page 427
The Road to Shame, page 430
The Curse of Manhood, page 433
A Private Talk to Young Men, page 437
Remedies for the Social Evil, page 440
The Selfish Slaves of Doses of Disease and Death, page 441
Object Lessons of the Effects of Alcohol and Smoking, page 445
The Destructive Effects of Cigarette Smoking, page 449
The Dangerous Vices, page 451
Nocturnal Emissions, page 457
Lost Manhood Restored, page 459
Manhood Wrecked and Rescued, page 461
The Curse and Consequence of Secret Diseases, page 464
Animal Magnetism, page 470
How to Read Character, page 473
Twilight Sleep, page 479
Painless Childbirth, page 479
The Diseases of Women, page 480
Remedies for Diseases of Women, page 483
Alphabetical Index, page 486


* * * * *

HE STUMBLETH NOT, BECAUSE HE SEETH THE LIGHT.

[Illustration: "Search Me. Oh Thou Great Creator."]


* * * * *

KNOWLEDGE IS SAFETY.


1. The old maxim, that "Knowledge is power," is a true one, but there
is still a greater truth: "KNOWLEDGE IS SAFETY." Safety amid physical
ills that beset mankind, and safety amid the moral pitfalls that
surround so many young people, is the great crying demand of the age.

2. CRITICISM.--This work, though plain and to some extent startling,
is chaste, practical and to the point, and will be a boon and a
blessing to thousands who consult its pages. The world is full of
ignorance, and the ignorant will always criticise, because they live
to suffer ills, for they know no better. New light is fast falling
upon the dark corners, and the eyes of many are being opened.

3. RESEARCHES OF SCIENCE.--The researches of science in the past few
years have thrown light on many facts relating to the physiology
of man and woman, and the diseases to which they are subject, and
consequently many reformations have taken place in the treatment and
prevention of diseases peculiar to the sexes.

4. LOCK AND KEY.--Any information bearing upon the diseases of mankind
should not be kept under lock and key. The physician is frequently
called upon to speak in plain language to his patients upon some
private and startling disease contracted on account of ignorance. The
better plan, however, is to so educate and enlighten old and young
upon the important subjects of health, so that the necessity to call a
physician may occur less frequently.

5. PROGRESSION.--A large, respectable, though diminishing class in
every community, maintain that nothing that relates exclusively to
either sex should become the subject of popular medical instruction.
But such an opinion is radically wrong; ignorance is no more the
mother of purity than it is of religion. Enlightenment can never work
injustice to him who investigates.

6. AN EXAMPLE.--The men and women who study and practice medicine are
not the worse, but the better for such knowledge; so it would be to
the community in general if all would be properly instructed on the
laws of health which relate to the sexes.

7. CRIME AND DEGRADATION.--Had every person a sound understanding on
the relation of the sexes, one of the most fertile sources of crime
and degradation would be removed. Physicians know too well what sad
consequences are constantly occurring from a lack of proper knowledge
on these important subjects.

8. A CONSISTENT CONSIDERATION.--Let the reader of this work study its
pages carefully and be able to give safe counsel and advice to others,
and remember that purity of purpose and purity of character are the
brightest jewels in the crown of immortality.

[Illustration: BEGINNING RIGHT.]


* * * * *

THE BEGINNING OF LIFE.


1. THE BEGINNING.--There is a charm in opening manhood which has
commended itself to the imagination in every age. The undefined hopes
and promises of the future--the dawning strength of intellect--the
vigorous flow of passion--the very exchange of home ties and protected
joys for free and manly pleasures, give to this period an interest and
excitement unfelt, perhaps, at any other.

2. THE GROWTH OF INDEPENDENCE.--Hitherto life has been to boys, as to
girls, a dependent existence--a sucker from the parent growth--a home
discipline of authority and guidance and communicated impulse. But
henceforth it is a transplanted growth of its own--a new and free
power of activity in which the mainspring is no longer authority or
law from without, but principle or opinion within. The shoot which
has been nourished under the shelter of the parent stem, and bent
according to its inclination, is transferred to the open world, where
of its own impulse and character it must take root, and grow into
strength, or sink into weakness and vice.

3. HOME TIES.--The thought of home must excite a pang even in the
first moments of freedom. Its glad shelter--its kindly guidance--its
very restraints, how dear and tender must they seem in parting! How
brightly must they shine in the retrospect as the youth turns from
them to the hardened and unfamiliar face of the world! With what a
sweet sadly-cheering pathos they must linger in the memory! And then
what chance and hazard is there in his newly-gotten freedom! What
instincts of warning in its very novelty and dim inexperience! What
possibilities of failure as well as of success in the unknown future
as it stretches before him!

4. VICE OR VIRTUE.--Certainly there is a grave importance as well as
a pleasant charm in the beginning of life. There is awe as well as
excitement in it when rightly viewed. The possibilities that lie in
it of noble or ignoble work--of happy self-sacrifice or ruinous
self-indulgence--the capacities in the right use of which it may rise
to heights of beautiful virtue, in the abuse of which it may sink to
the depths of debasing vice--make the crisis one of fear as well as of
hope, of sadness as well as of joy.

5. SUCCESS OR FAILURE.--It is wistful as well as pleasing to think of
the young passing year by year into the world, and engaging with its
duties, its interests, and temptations. Of the throng that struggle
at the gates of entrance, how many may reach their anticipated goal?
Carry the mind forward a few years, and some have climbed the hills
of difficulty and gained the eminence on which they wished to
stand--some, although they may not have done this, have kept their
truth unhurt, their integrity unspoiled; but others have turned back,
or have perished by the way, or fallen in weakness of will, no more to
rise again; victims or their own sin.

6. WARNING.--As we place ourselves with the young at the opening gates
of life, and think of the end from the beginning, it is a deep concern
more than anything else that fills us. Words of earnest argument and
warning counsel rather than of congratulation rise to our lips.

7. MISTAKES ARE OFTEN FATAL.--Begin well and the habit of doing well
will become quite as easy as the habit of doing badly. "Well begun
is half ended," says the proverb: "and a good beginning is half
the battle." Many promising young men have irretrievably injured
themselves by a first false step at the commencement of life; while
others of much less promising talents, have succeeded simply by
beginning well, and going onward. The good, practical beginning is
to a certain extent, a pledge, a promise, and an assurance of the
ultimate prosperous issue. There is many a poor creature, now crawling
through life, miserable himself and the cause of sorrow to others,
who might have lifted up his head and prospered, if, instead of merely
satisfying himself with resolutions of well-doing, he had actually
gone to work and made a good, practical beginning.

8. BEGIN AT THE RIGHT PLACE.--Too many are, however, impatient of
results. They are not satisfied to begin where their fathers did,
but where they left off. They think to enjoy the fruits of industry
without working for them. They cannot wait for the results of labor
and application, but forestall them by too early indulgence.


* * * * *

HEALTH A DUTY.


Perhaps nothing will so much hasten the time when body and mind will
both be adequately cared for, as a diffusion of the belief that the
preservation of health is a duty. Few seem conscious that there is
such a thing as physical morality.

Men's habitual words and acts imply that they are at liberty to treat
their bodies as they please. Disorder entailed by disobedience to
nature's dictates they regard as grievances, not as the effects of
a conduct more or less flagitious. Though the evil consequences
inflicted on their descendents and on future generations are often as
great as those caused by crime, they do not think themselves in any
degree criminal.

It is true that in the case of drunkenness the viciousness of a bodily
transgression is recognized; but none appear to infer that if this
bodily transgression is vicious, so too is every bodily transgression.
The fact is, all breaches of the law of health are physical sins.

When this is generally seen, then, and perhaps not till then, will the
physical training of the young receive all the attention it deserves.

Purity of life and thought should be taught in the home. It is the
only safeguard of the young. Let parents wake up on this important
subject.

[Illustration: GLADSTONE.]


* * * * *

VALUE OF REPUTATION.


1. WHO SHALL ESTIMATE THE COST.--Who shall estimate the cost of a
priceless reputation--that impress which gives this human dross its
currency--without which we stand despised, debased, depreciated? Who
shall repair it injured? Who can redeem it lost? Oh, well and truly
does the great philosopher of poetry esteem the world's wealth as
"trash" in the comparison. Without it gold has no value; birth, no
distinction; station, no dignity; beauty, no charm; age, no reverence;
without it every treasure impoverishes, every grace deforms,
every dignity degrades, and all the arts, the decorations and
accomplishments of life stand, like the beacon-blaze upon a rock,
warning the world that its approach is dangerous; that its contact is
death.

2. THE WRETCH WITHOUT IT.--The wretch without it is under eternal
quarantine; no friend to greet; no home to harbor him, the voyage of
his life becomes a joyless peril, and in the midst of all ambition
can achieve, or avarice amass, or rapacity plunder, he tosses on the
surge, a buoyant pestilence. But let me not degrade into selfishness
of individual safety or individual exposure this individual principle;
it testifies a higher, a more ennobling origin.

3. ITS DIVINITY.--Oh, Divine, oh, delightful legacy of a spotless
reputation: Rich is the inheritance it leaves; pious the example
it testifies; pure, precious and imperishable, the hope which it
inspires; can there be conceived a more atrocious injury than to filch
from its possessor this inestimable benefit to rob society of its
charm, and solitude of its solace; not only to out-law life, but
attain death, converting the very grave, the refuge of the sufferer,
into the gate of infamy and of shame.

4. LOST CHARACTER.--We can conceive few crimes beyond it. He who
plunders my property takes from me that which can be repaired by time;
but what period can repair a ruined reputation? He who maims my person
effects that which medicine may remedy; but what herb has sovereignty
over the wounds of slander? He who ridicules my poverty or reproaches
my profession, upbraids me with that which industry may retrieve, and
integrity may purify; but what riches shall redeem the bankrupt fame?
What power shall blanch the sullied show of character? There can be
no injury more deadly. There can be no crime more cruel. It is without
remedy. It is without antidote. It is without evasion.

[Illustration: GATHERING WILD FLOWERS.]


* * * * *

INFLUENCE OF ASSOCIATES.


If you always live with those who are lame, you will learn to
limp.--FROM THE LATIN.

If men wish to be held in esteem, they must associate with those who
are estimable.--LA BRUYERE.


1. BY WHAT MEN ARE KNOWN.--An author is known by his writings, a
mother by her daughter, a fool by his words, and all men by their
companions.

2. FORMATION OF A GOOD CHARACTER.--Intercourse with persons of decided
virtue and excellence is of great importance in the formation of a
good character. The force of example is powerful; we are creatures of
imitation, and, by a necessary influence, our tempers and habits
are very much formed on the model of those with whom we familiarly
associate. Better be alone than in bad company. Evil communications
corrupt good manners. Ill qualities are catching as well as diseases;
and the mind is at least as much, if not a great deal more, liable to
infection, than the body. Go with mean people, and you think life is
mean.

3. GOOD EXAMPLE.--How natural is it for a child to look up to those
around him for an example of imitation, and how readily does he copy
all that he sees done, good or bad. The importance of a good example
on which the young may exercise this powerful and active element of
their nature, is a matter of the utmost moment.

4. A TRUE MAXIM.--It is a trite, but true maxim, that "a man is known
by the company he keeps." He naturally assimilates by the force
of imitation, to the habits and manners of those by whom he is
surrounded. We know persons who walk much with the lame, who have
learned to walk with a hitch or limp like their lame friends. Vice
stalks in the streets unabashed, and children copy it.

5. LIVE WITH THE CULPABLE.--Live with the culpable, and you will
be very likely to die with the criminal. Bad company is like a nail
driven into a post, which after the first or second blow, may be drawn
out with little difficulty; but being once driven in up to the head,
the pinchers cannot take hold to draw it out, which can only be done
by the destruction of the wood. You may be ever so pure, you cannot
associate with bad companions without falling into bad odor.

6. SOCIETY OF THE VULGAR.--Do you love the society of the vulgar? Then
you are already debased in your sentiments. Do you seek to be with
the profane? In your heart you are like them. Are jesters and buffoons
your choice friends? He who loves to laugh at folly is himself a fool.
Do you love and seek the society of the wise and good? Is this your
habit? Had you rather take the lowest seat among these than the
highest seat among others? Then you have already learned to be good.
You may not make very much progress, but even a good beginning is not
to be despised.

7. SINKS OF POLLUTION.--Strive for mental excellence, and strict
integrity, and you never will be found in the sinks of pollution, and
on the benches of retailers and gamblers. Once habituate yourself to a
virtuous course, once secure a love of good society, and no punishment
would be greater than by accident to be obliged for half a day to
associate with the low and vulgar. Try to frequent the company of your
betters.

8. PROCURE NO FRIEND IN HASTE.--Nor, if once secured, in haste abandon
them. Be slow in choosing an associate, and slower to change him;
slight no man for poverty, nor esteem any one for his wealth. Good
friends should not be easily forgotten, nor used as suits of apparel,
which, when we have worn them threadbare, we cast them off, and call
for new. When once you profess yourself a friend, endeaver to be
always such. He can never have any true friends that will be often
changing them.

9. HAVE THE COURAGE TO CUT THE MOST AGREEABLE ACQUAINTANCE.--Do this
when you are convinced that he lacks principle; a friend should bear
with a friend's infirmities, but not with his vices. He that does a
base thing in zeal for his friend, burns the golden thread that ties
their hearts together.


* * * * *

SELF-CONTROL.


"Honor and profit do not always lie in the same sack."--GEORGE
HERBERT.

"The government of one's self is the only true freedom for the
individual."--FREDERICK PERTHES.

"It is length of patience, and endurance, and forbearance that so much
of what is called good in mankind and womankind is shown."--ARTHUR
HELPS.


1. ESSENCE OF CHARACTER.--Self-control is only courage under another
form. It may also be regarded as the primary essence of character. It
is in virtue of this quality that Shakespeare defines man as a being
"looking before and after." It forms the chief distinction between man
and the mere animal; and, indeed, there can be no true manhood
without it.

[Illustration: RESULT OF BAD COMPANY.]

2. ROOT OF ALL THE VIRTUES.--Self-control is at the root of all the
virtues. Let a man give the reins to his impulses and passions, and
from that moment he yields up his moral freedom. He is carried along
the current of life, and becomes the slave of his strongest desire for
the time being.

3. RESIST INSTINCTIVE IMPULSE.--To be morally free--to be more than an
animal--man must be able to resist instinctive impulse, and this can
only be done by exercise of self-control. Thus it is this power which
constitutes the real distinction between a physical and a moral life,
and that forms the primary basis of individual character.

4. A STRONG MAN RULETH HIS OWN SPIRIT.--In the Bible praise is given,
not to a strong man who "taketh a city," but to the stronger man who
"ruleth his own spirit." This stronger man is he who, by discipline,
exercises a constant control over his thoughts, his speech, and his
acts. Nine-tenths of the vicious desires that degrade society, and
which, when indulged, swell into the crimes that disgrace it,
would shrink into insignificance before the advance of valiant
self-discipline, self-respect, and self-control. By the watchful
exercise of these virtues, purity of heart and mind become habitual,
and the character is built up in chastity, virtue, and temperance.

5. THE BEST SUPPORT.--The best support of character will always be
found in habit, which, according as the will is directed rightly or
wrongly, as the case may be, will prove either a benignant ruler, or
a cruel despot. We may be its willing subject on the one hand, or its
servile slave on the other. It may help us on the road to good, or it
may hurry us on the road to ruin.

6. THE IDEAL MAN.--"In the supremacy of self-control," says Herbert
Spencer, "consists one of the perfections of the ideal man. Not to be
impulsive, not to be spurred hither and thither by each desire that
in turn comes upper-most, but to be self-restrained, self-balanced,
governed by the joint decision of the feelings in council assembled,
before whom every action shall have been fully debated, and calmly
determined--that it is which education, moral education at least,
strives to produce."

7. THE BEST REGULATED HOME.--The best regulated home is always that
in which the discipline is the most perfect, and yet where it is the
least felt. Moral discipline acts with the force of a law of nature.
Those subject to it yield themselves to it unconsciously; and though
it shapes and forms the whole character, until the life becomes
crystallized in habit, the influence thus exercised is for the most
part unseen and almost unfelt.

8. PRACTICE SELF-DENIAL.--If a man would get through life honorably
and peaceably, he must necessarily learn to practice self-denial
in small things as well as in great. Men have to bear as well as to
forbear. The temper has to be held in subjection to the judgment;
and the little demons of ill-humor, petulance, and sarcasm, kept
resolutely at a distance. If once they find an entrance to the mind,
they are apt to return, and to establish for themselves a permanent
occupation there.

9. POWER OF WORDS.--It is necessary to one's personal happiness, to
exercise control over one's words as well as acts: for there are
words that strike even harder than blows; and men may "speak daggers,"
though they use none. The stinging repartee that rises to the lips,
and which, if uttered, might cover an adversary with confusion, how
difficult it is to resist saying it! "Heaven, keep us," says Miss
Bremer, in her 'Home', "from the destroying power of words! There are
words that sever hearts more than sharp swords do; there are words the
point of which sting the heart through the course of a whole life."

10. CHARACTER EXHIBITS ITSELF.--Character exhibits itself in
self-control of speech as much as in anything else. The wise and
forbearant man will restrain his desire to say a smart or severe thing
at the expense of another's feeling; while the fool blurts out what he
thinks, and will sacrifice his friend rather than his joke. "The mouth
of a wise man," said Solomon, "is in his heart; the heart of a fool is
in his mouth."

11. BURNS.--No one knew the value of self-control better than the poet
Burns, and no one could teach it more eloquently to others, but when
it came to practice, Burns was as weak as the weakest. He could not
deny himself the pleasure of uttering a harsh and clever sarcasm at
another's expense. One of his biographers observed of him, that it
was no extravagant arithmetic to say that for every ten jokes he made
himself a hundred enemies. But this was not all. Poor Burns exercised
no control over his appetites, but freely gave them the rein:

"Thus thoughtless follies laid him low,
And stained his name."

12. SOW POLLUTION.--Nor had he the self-denial to resist giving
publicity to compositions originally intended for the delight of the
tap-room, but which continued secretly to sow pollution broadcast in
the minds of youth. Indeed, notwithstanding the many exquisite poems
of this writer, it is not saying too much that his immoral writings
have done far more harm than his purer writings have done good; and
it would be better that all his writings should be destroyed and
forgotten, provided his indecent songs could be destroyed with them.

13. MORAL PRINCIPLE.--Many of our young men lack moral principle. They
cannot look upon a beautiful girl with a pure heart and pure thoughts.
They have not manifested or practiced that self-control which develops
true manhood and brings into subordination evil thoughts, evil
passions, and evil practices. Men who have no self-control will find
life a failure, both in a social and in a business sense. The world
despises an insignificant person who lacks backbone and character.
Stand upon your manhood and womanhood; honor your convictions, and
dare to do right.

14. STRONG DRINK.--There is the habit of strong drink. It is only the
lack of self-control that brings men into the depths of degradation;
on account of the cup, the habit of taking drink occasionally in
its milder forms--of playing with a small appetite that only needs
sufficient playing with to make you a demon or a dolt. You think you
are safe; I know you are not safe, if you drink at all; and when you
get offended with the good friends that warn you of your danger,
you are a fool. I know that the grave swallows daily, by scores,
drunkards, every one of whom thought he was safe while he was forming
his appetite. But this is old talk. A young man in this age who forms
the habit of drinking, or puts himself in danger of forming the habit,
is usually so weak that he does not realize the consequences.

[Illustration: LOST SELF-CONTROL.]


* * * * *

HABIT.


It is almost as difficult to make a man unlearn his Errors as his
Knowledge.--COLTON.

There are habits contracted by bad example, or bad management, before
we have judgment to discern their approaches, or because the eye of
Reason is laid asleep, or has not compass of view sufficient to look
around on every quarter.--TUCKER.


1. HABIT.--Our real strength in life depends upon habits formed in
early life. The young man who sows his wild oats and indulges in the
social cup, is fastening chains upon himself that never can be broken.
The innocent youth by solitary practice of self-abuse will fasten upon
himself a habit which will wreck his physical constitution and bring
suffering and misery and ruin. Young man and young woman, beware of
bad habits formed in early life.

2. A BUNDLE OF HABITS.--Man, it has been said, is a bundle of habits;
and habit is second nature. Metastasio entertained so strong an
opinion as to the power of repetition in act and thought, that he
said, "All is habit in mankind, even virtue itself." Evil habits
must be conquered, or they will conquer us and destroy our peace and
happiness.

3. VICIOUS HABITS.--Vicious habits, when opposed, offer the most
vigorous resistence on the first attack. At each successive encounter
this resistence grows fainter and fainter, until finally it ceases
altogether and the victory is achieved. Habit is man's best friend and
worst enemy; it can exalt him to the highest pinnacle of virtue, honor
and happiness, or sink him to the lowest depths of vice, shame and
misery.

4. HONESTY, OR KNAVERY.--We may form habits of honesty, or knavery;
truth, or falsehood; of industry, or idleness; frugality,
or extravagance; of patience, or impatience; self-denial, or
self-indulgence; of kindness, cruelty, politeness, rudeness, prudence,
perseverance, circumspection. In short, there, is not a virtue, nor a
vice; not an act of body, nor of mind, to which we may not be chained
down by this despotic power.

5. BEGIN WELL.--It is a great point for young men to begin well; for
it is the beginning of life that that system of conduct is adopted
which soon assumes the force of habit. Begin well, and the habit
of doing well will become quite easy, as easy as the habit of doing
badly. Pitch upon that course of life which is the most excellent, and
habit will render it the most delightful.


* * * * *

A GOOD NAME.


1. THE LONGING FOR A GOOD NAME.--The longing for a good name is one
of those laws of nature that were passed for the soul and written down
within to urge toward a life of action, and away from small or wicked
action. So large is this passion that it is set forth in poetic
thought, as having a temple grand as that of Jupiter or Minerva, and
up whose marble steps all noble minds struggle--the temple of Fame.

2. CIVILIZATION.--Civilization is the ocean of which the millions of
individuals are the rivers and torrents. These rivers and torrents
swell with those rains of money and home and fame and happiness,
and then fall and run almost dry, but the ocean of civilization has
gathered up all these waters, and holds them in sparkling beauty
for all subsequent use. Civilization is a fertile delta made by the
drifting souls of men.

3. FAME.--The word "fame" never signifies simply notoriety. The
meaning of the direct term may be seen from its negation or opposite,
for only the meanest of men are called infamous. They are utterly
without fame, utterly nameless; but if fame implied only notoriety,
then infamous would possess no marked significance. Fame is an
undertaker that pays but little attention to the living, but who
bedizens the dead, furnishes out their funerals and follows them to
the grave.

4. LIFE-MOTIVE.--So in studying that life-motive which is called a
"good name," we must ask the large human race to tell us the high
merit of this spiritual longing. We must read the words of the sage,
who said long centuries ago that "a good name was rather chosen than
great riches." Other sages have said as much. Solon said that "He that
will sell his good name will sell the State." Socrates said, "Fame is
the perfume of heroic deeds." Our Shakespeare said, "He lives in fame
who died in virtue's cause."

5. INFLUENCES OF OUR AGE.--Our age is deeply influenced by the motives
called property and home and pleasure, but it is a question whether
the generation in action today and the generation on the threshold
of this intense life are conscious fully of the worth of an honorable
name.

6. BEAUTY OF CHARACTER.--We do not know whether with us all a good
name is less sweet than it was with our fathers, but this is painfully
evident that our times do not sufficiently behold the beauty of
character--their sense does not detect quickly enough or love deeply
enough this aroma of heroic deeds.

7. SELLING OUT THEIR REPUTATION.--It is amazing what multitudes there
are who are willing to sell out their reputation, and amazing at what
a low price they will make the painful exchange. Some king remarked
that he would not tell a lie for any reward less than an empire. It
is not uncommon in our world for a man to sell out all his honor and
hopes for a score or a half score of dollars.

8. PRISONS OVERFLOWING.--Our prisons are all full to overflowing of
those who took no thought of honor. They have not waited for an empire
to be offered them before they would violate the sacred rights of man,
but many of them have even murdered for a cause that would not have
justified even an exchange of words.

9. INTEGRITY THE PRIDE OF THE GOVERNMENT.--If integrity were made the
pride of the government, the love of it would soon spring up among the
people. If all fraudulent men should go straight to jail, pitilessly,
and if all the most rigid characters were sought out for all political
and commercial offices, there would soon come a popular honesty just
as there has come a love of reading or of art. It is with character as
with any new article--the difficulty lies in its first introduction.

10. A NEW VIRTUE.--May a new virtue come into favor, all our high
rewards, those from the ballot-box, those from employers, the rewards
of society, the rewards of the press, should be offered only to
the worthy. A few years of rewarding the worthy would result in a
wonderful zeal in the young to build up, not physical property, but
mental and spiritual worth.

11. BLESSING THE FAMILY GROUP.--No young man or young woman can by
industry and care reach an eminence in study or art or character,
without blessing the entire family group. We have all seen that the
father and mother feel that all life's care and labor were at last
perfectly rewarded in the success of their child. But had the child
been reckless or indolent, all this domestic joy--the joy of a large
group--would have been blighted forever.

12. AN HONORED CHILD.--There have been triumphs at old Rome, where
victors marched along with many a chariot, many an elephant, and many
spoils of the East; and in all times money has been lavished in the
efforts of States to tell their pleasure in the name of some general;
but more numerous and wide-spread and beyond expression, by chariot
or cannon or drum, have been those triumphal hours, when some son or
daughter has returned to the parental hearth beautiful in the wreaths
of some confessed excellence, bearing a good name.

13. RICH CRIMINALS.--We looked at the utter wretchedness of the men
who threw away reputation, and would rather be rich criminals in exile
than be loved friends and persons at home.

14. AN EMPTY, OR AN EVIL NAME.--Young and old cannot afford to bear
the burden of an empty or an evil name. A good name is a motive of
life. It is a reason for that great encampment we call an existence.
While you are building the home of to-morrow, build up also that kind
of soul that can sleep sweetly on home's pillow, and can feel that God
is not near as an avenger of wrong, but as the Father not only of the
verdure and the seasons, but of you.

[Illustration: AN EGYPTIAN DANCER.]


* * * * *

THE MOTHER'S INFLUENCE.


Mother, O mother, my heart calls for you,
Many a Summer the grass has grown green,
Blossomed and faded, our faces between;
Yet with strong yearning and passionate pain,
Long I to-night for your presence again.
--_Elizabeth Akers Allen._


A mother is a mother still,
The holiest thing alive.
--_Coleridge._


There is none,
In all this cold and hollow world, no fount
Of deep, strong, deathless love, save that within
A mother's heart.
--_Mrs. Hemans._


And all my mother came into mine eyes,
And gave me up to tears.
--_Shakespeare._


1. HER INFLUENCE.--It is true to nature, although it be expressed in
a figurative form, that a mother is both the morning and the evening
star of life. The light of her eye is always the first to rise, and
often the last to set upon man's day of trial. She wields a power more
decisive far than syllogisms in argument or courts of last appeal in
authority.

2. HER LOVE.--Mother! ecstatic sound so twined round our hearts that
they must cease to throb ere we forget it; 'tis our first love; 'tis
part of religion. Nature has set the mother upon such a pinnacle that
our infant eyes and arms are first uplifted to it; we cling to it in
manhood; we almost worship it in old age.

3. HER TENDERNESS.--Alas! how little do we appreciate a mother's
tenderness while living. How heedless are we in youth of all her
anxieties and kindness! But when she is dead and gone, when the
cares and coldness of the world come withering to our hearts, when we
experience for ourselves how hard it is to find true sympathy, how few
to love us, how few will befriend us in misfortune, then it is that we
think of the mother we have lost.

4. HER CONTROLLING POWER.--The mother can take man's whole nature
under her control. She becomes what she has been called "The Divinity
of Infancy." Her smile is its sunshine, her word its mildest law,
until sin and the world have steeled the heart.

[Illustration: A PRAYERFUL AND DEVOTED MOTHER.]

5. THE LAST TIE.--The young man who has forsaken the advice and
influence of his mother has broken the last cable and severed the last
tie that binds him to an honorable and upright life. He has forsaken
his best friend, and every hope for his future welfare may be
abandoned, for he is lost forever, if he is faithless to mother, he
will have but little respect for wife and children.

6. HOME TIES.--The young man or young woman who love their home and
love their mother can be safely trusted under almost any and all
circumstances, and their life will not be a blank, for they seek what
is good. Their hearts will be ennobled, and God will bless them.

[Illustration: HOME AMUSEMENTS.]


* * * * *

HOME POWER.


"The mill-streams that turn the clappers of the world arise in
solitary places."--HELPS.

"Lord! with what care hast Thou begirt us round!
Parents first season us. Then schoolmasters
Deliver us to laws. They send us bound
To rules of reason."--GEORGE HERBERT.


1. SCHOOL OF CHARACTER.--Home is the first and most important school
of character. It is there that every human being receives his best
moral training, or his worst, for it is there that he imbibes those
principles of conduct which endure through manhood, and cease only
with life.

2. HOME MAKES THE MAN.--It is a common saying, "Manners make the
man;" and there is a second, that "Mind makes the man;" but truer than
either is a third, that "Home makes the man." For the home-training
includes not only manners and mind, but character. It is mainly in the
home that the heart is opened, the habits are formed, the intellect is
awakened, and character moulded for good or for evil.

3. GOVERN SOCIETY.--From that source, be it pure or impure, issue
the principles and maxims that govern society. Law itself is but the
reflex of homes. The tiniest bits of opinion sown in the minds of
children in private life afterwards issue forth to the world, and
become its public opinion; for nations are gathered out of nurseries,
and they who hold the leading-strings of children may even exercise a
greater power than those who wield the reins of government.

4. THE CHILD IS FATHER OF THE MAN.--The child's character is the
nucleus of the man's; all after-education is but superposition; the
form of the crystal remains the same. Thus the saying of the poet
holds true in a large degree, "The child is father of the man;" or
as Milton puts it, "The childhood shows the man, as morning shows the
day." Those impulses to conduct which last the longest and are rooted
the deepest, always have their origin near our birth. It is then that
the germs of virtues or vices, of feelings or sentiments, are first
implanted which determine the character of life.

5. NURSERIES.--Thus homes, which are nurseries of children who grow
up into men and women, will be good or bad according to the power that
governs them. Where the spirit of love and duty pervades the home,
where head and heart bear rule wisely there, where the daily life
is honest and virtuous, where the government is sensible, kind, and
loving, then may we expect from such a home an issue of healthy,
useful, and happy beings, capable as they gain the requisite strength,
of following the footsteps of their parents, of walking uprightly,
governing themselves wisely, and contributing to the welfare of those
about them.

6. IGNORANCE, COARSENESS, AND SELFISHNESS.--On the other hand, if
surrounded by ignorance, coarseness, and selfishness, they will
unconsciously assume the same character, and grow up to adult years
rude, uncultivated, and all the more dangerous to society if placed
amidst the manifold temptations of what is called civilized life.
"Give your child to be educated by a slave," said an ancient Greek
"and, instead of one slave, you will then have two."

7. MATERNAL LOVE.--Maternal love is the visible providence of our
race. Its influence is constant and universal. It begins with the
education of the human being at the outstart of life, and is prolonged
by virtue of the powerful influence which every good mother exercises
over her children through life. When launched into the world, each
to take part in its labors, anxieties, and trials, they still turn
to their mother for consolation, if not for counsel, in their time of
trouble and difficulty. The pure and good thoughts she has implanted
in their minds when children continue to grow up into good acts long
after she is dead; and when there is nothing but a memory of her left,
her children rise up and call her blessed.

8. WOMAN, ABOVE ALL OTHER EDUCATORS, educates humanly. Man is the
brain, but woman is the heart of humanity; he its judgment, she its
feeling; he its strength, she its grace, ornament and solace. Even
the understanding of the best woman seems to work mainly through
her affections. And thus, though man may direct the intellect, woman
cultivates the feelings, which mainly determine the character. While
he fills the memory, she occupies the heart. She makes us love what
he can make us only believe, and it is chiefly through her that we are
enabled to arrive at virtue.

9. THE POOREST DWELLING, presided over by a virtuous, thrifty,
cheerful, and cleanly woman may thus be the abode of comfort, virtue
and happiness; it may be the scene of every enobling relation
in family life; it may be endeared to man by many delightful
associations; furnishing a sanctuary for the heart, a refuge from the
storms of life, a sweet resting-place after labor, a consolation in
misfortune, a pride in prosperity and a joy at all times.

10. THE GOOD HOME IS THUS THE BEST OF SCHOOLS, not only in youth
but in age. There young and old best learn cheerfulness, patience,
self-control, and the spirit of service and of duty. The home is the
true school of courtesy, of which woman is always the best practical
instructor. "Without woman," says the Provencal proverb, "men were
but ill-licked cubs." Philanthropy radiates from the home as from a
center. "To love the little platoon we belong to in society," said
Burke, "is the germ of all public affections." The wisest and best
have not been ashamed to own it to be their greatest joy and happiness
to sit "behind the heads of children" in the inviolable circle of
home.

[Illustration]

[Illustration: DAY DREAMING.]


* * * * *

TO YOUNG WOMEN.


1. TO BE A WOMAN, in the truest and highest sense of the word is to be
the best thing beneath the skies. To be a woman is something more than
to live eighteen or twenty years; something more than to grow to
the physical stature of women; something more than to wear flounces,
exhibit dry goods, sport jewelry, catch the gaze of lewd-eyed men;
something more than to be a belle, a wife, or a mother. Put all these
qualifications together and they do but little toward making a true
woman.

2. BEAUTY AND STYLE are not the surest passports to womanhood--some of
the noblest specimens of womanhood that the world has ever seen have
presented the plainest and most unprepossessing appearance. A woman's
worth is to be estimated by the real goodness of her heart, the
greatness of her soul, and the purity and sweetness of her character;
and a woman with a kindly disposition and well-balanced temper is both
lovely and attractive, be her face ever so plain, and her figure ever
so homely; she makes the best of wives and the truest of mothers.

3. BEAUTY IS A DANGEROUS GIFT.--It is even so. Like wealth, it has
ruined its thousands. Thousands of the most beautiful women are
destitute of common sense and common humanity. No gift from heaven
is so general and so widely abused by woman as the gift of beauty. In
about nine cases in ten it makes her silly, senseless, thoughtless,
giddy, vain, proud, frivolous, selfish, low and mean. I think I have
seen more girls spoiled by beauty than by any other one thing, "She
is beautiful, and she knows it," is as much as to say that she is
spoiled. A beautiful girl is very likely to believe she was made to be
looked at; and so she sets herself up for a show at every window, in
every door, on every corner of the street, in every company at which
opportunity offers for an exhibition of herself.

4. BEWARE OF BEAUTIFUL WOMEN.--These facts have long since taught
sensible men to beware of beautiful women--to sound them carefully
before they give them their confidence. Beauty is shallow--only skin
deep; fleeting--only for a few years' reign; dangerous--tempting to
vanity and lightness of mind; deceitful--dazzling of ten to bewilder;
weak--reigning only to ruin; gross--leading often to sensual pleasure.
And yet we say it need not be so. Beauty is lovely and ought to be
innocently possessed. It has charms which ought to be used for good
purposes. It is a delightful gift, which ought to be received with
gratitude and worn with grace and meekness. It should always minister
to inward beauty. Every woman of beautiful form and features should
cultivate a beautiful mind and heart.

5. RIVAL THE BOYS.--We want the girls to rival the boys in all that is
good, and refined, and ennobling. We want them to rival the boys, as
they well can, in learning, in understanding, in virtues; in all noble
qualities of mind and heart, but not in any of those things that have
caused them, justly or unjustly, to be described as savages. We
want the girls to be gentle--not weak, but gentle, and kind and
affectionate. We want to be sure, that wherever a girl is, there
should be a sweet, subduing and harmonizing influence of purity,
and truth, and love, pervading and hallowing, from center to
circumference, the entire circle in which she moves. If the boys are
savages, we want her to be their civilizer. We want her to tame them,
to subdue their ferocity, to soften their manners, and to teach them
all needful lessons of order, sobriety, and meekness, and patience and
goodness.

6. KINDNESS.--Kindness is the ornament of man--it is the chief glory
of woman--it is, indeed, woman's true prerogative--her sceptre and
her crown. It is the sword with which she conquers, and the charm with
which she captivates.

7. ADMIRED AND BELOVED.--Young lady, would you be admired and beloved?
Would you be an ornament to your sex, and a blessing to your race?
Cultivate this heavenly virtue. Wealth may surround you with its
blandishments, and beauty, and learning, or talents, may give you
admirers, but love and kindness alone can captivate the heart. Whether
you live in a cottage or a palace, these graces can surround you with
perpetual sunshine, making you, and all around you, happy.

8. INWARD GRACE.--Seek ye then, fair daughters, the possession of
that inward grace, whose essence shall permeate and vitalize the
affections, adorn the countenance make mellifluous the voice, and
impart a hallowed beauty even to your motions. Not merely that you
may be loved, would I urge this, but that you may, in truth, be
lovely--that loveliness which fades not with time, nor is marred or
alienated by disease, but which neither chance nor change can in any
way despoil.

9. SILKEN ENTICEMENTS OF THE STRANGER.--We urge you, gentle maiden, to
beware of the silken enticements of the stranger, until your love
is confirmed by protracted acquaintance. Shun the idler, though his
coffers overflow with pelf. Avoid the irreverent--the scoffer of
hallowed things; and him who "looks upon the wine while it is red;"
him too, "who hath a high look and a proud heart," and who "privily
slandereth his neighbor." Do not heed the specious prattle about
"first love," and so place, irrevocably, the seal upon your future
destiny, before you have sounded, in silence and secrecy, the deep
fountains of your own heart. Wait, rather, until your own character
and that of him who would woo you, is more fully developed. Surely, if
this "first love" cannot endure a short probation, fortified by
"the pleasures of hope," how can it be expected to survive years of
intimacy, scenes of trial, distracting cares, wasting sickness,
and all the homely routine of practical life? Yet it is these that
constitute life, and the love that cannot abide them is false and must
die.

[Illustration: ROMAN LADIES.]


* * * * *

INFLUENCE OF FEMALE CHARACTER.


1. MORAL EFFECT.--It is in its moral effect on the mind and the heart
of man, that the influence of woman is most powerful and important. In
the diversity of tastes, habits, inclinations, and pursuits of the two
sexes, is found a most beneficent provision for controlling the force
and extravagance of human passion. The objects which most strongly
seize and stimulate the mind of man, rarely act at the same time and
with equal power on the mind of woman. She is naturally better, purer,
and more chaste in thought and language.

2. FEMALE CHARACTER.--But the influence of female character on the
virtue of men, is not seen merely in restraining and softening the
violence of human passion. To her is mainly committed the task of
pouring into the opening mind of infancy its first impressions of
duty, and of stamping on its susceptible heart the first image of its
God. Who will not confess the influence of a mother in forming the
heart of a child? What man is there who can not trace the origin of
many of the best maxims of his life to the lips of her who gave him
birth? How wide, how lasting, how sacred is that part of a woman's
influence.

3. VIRTUE OF A COMMUNITY.--There is yet another mode by which woman
may exert a powerful influence on the virtue of a community. It rests
with her in a pre-eminent degree, to give tone and elevation to the
moral character of the age, by deciding the degree of virtue that
shall be necessary to afford a passport to her society. If all the
favor of woman were given only to the good, if it were known that the
charms and attractions of beauty and wisdom, and wit, were reserved
only for the pure; if, in one word, something of a similar rigor were
exerted to exclude the profligate and abandoned of society, as is
shown to those, who have fallen from virtue,--how much would be done
to re-enforce the motives to moral purity among us, and impress on the
minds of all a reverence for the sanctity and obligations of virtue.

4. THE INFLUENCE OF WOMAN ON THE MORAL SENTIMENTS.--The influence of
woman on the moral sentiments of society is intimately connected with
her influence on its religious character; for religion and a pure and
elevated morality must ever stand in the relation to each other of
effect and cause. The heart of a woman is formed for the abode of
sacred truth; and for the reasons alike honorable to her character and
to that of society. From the nature of humanity this must be so, or
the race would soon degenerate and moral contagion eat out the heart
of society. The purity of home is the safeguard to American manhood.

[Illustration]


* * * * *

PERSONAL PURITY.


"Self-reverence, self-knowledge, self-control,
These three alone lead life to sovereign power."--Tennyson


1. WORDS OF THE GREAT TEACHER.--Mark the words of the Great Teacher:
"If thy right hand or foot cause thee to fall, cut it off and cast it
from thee. If thy right eye cause thee to fall, pluck it out. It is
better for thee to enter into life maimed and halt, than having two
eyes to be cast into hell-fire, where the worm dieth not, and the fire
is not quenched."

2. A MELANCHOLY FACT.--It is a melancholy fact in human experience,
that the noblest gifts which men possess are constantly prostituted
to other purposes than those for which they are designed. The most
valuable and useful organs of the body are those which are capable
of the greatest dishonor, abuse, and corruption. What a snare the
wonderful organism of the eye may become, when used to read corrupt
books, or to look upon licentious pictures, or vulgar theater scenes,
or when used to meet the fascinating gaze of the harlot! What an
instrument for depraving the whole man may be found in the matchless
powers of the brain, the hand, the mouth, or the tongue! What potent
instruments may these become in accomplishing the ruin of the whole
being, for time and eternity!

3. Abstinence.--Some can testify with thankfulness that they never
knew the sins of gambling, drunkenness, fornication, or adultery. In
all these cases abstinence has been, and continues to be, liberty.
Restraint is the noblest freedom. No man can affirm that self-denial
ever injured him; on the contrary, self-restraint has been liberty,
strength and blessing. Solemnly ask young men to remember this when
temptation and passion strive as a floodtide to move them from the
anchorage and peace of self-restraint. Beware of the deceitful stream
of temporary gratification, whose eddying current drifts towards
license, shame, disease and death. Remember how quickly moral power
declines, how rapidly the edge of the fatal maelstrom is reached, how
near the vortex, how terrible the penalty, how fearful the sentence of
everlasting punishment!

4. FRANK DISCUSSION.--The time has arrived for a full and frank
discussion of those things which affect the personal purity. Thousands
are suffering to-day from various weaknesses, the causes of which they
have never learned. Manly vigor is not increasing with that rapidity
which a Christian age demands. Means of dissipation are on the
increase. It is high time, therefore, that every lover of the
race should call a halt, and inquire into the condition of things.
Excessive modesty on this subject is not virtue. Timidity in
presenting unpleasant but important truths has permitted untold damage
in every age.

5. MAN IS A CARELESS BEING.--He is very much inclined to sinful
things. He more often does that which is wrong than that which is
right, because it is easier, and, for the moment, perhaps, more
satisfying to the flesh. The Creator is often blamed for man's
weaknesses and inconsistencies. This is wrong. God did not intend that
we should be mere machines, but free moral agents. We are privileged
to choose between good and evil. Hence, if we perseveringly choose
the latter, and make a miserable failure of life, we should blame only
ourselves.

6. THE PULPIT.--Would that every pulpit in the land might join hands
with the medical profession and cry out with no uncertain sound
against the mighty evils herein stigmatized! It would work a
revolution for which coming society could never cease to be grateful.

7. STRIVE TO ATTAIN A HIGHER LIFE.--Strive to attain unto a higher
and better life. Beware of all excesses, of whatever nature, and guard
your personal purity with sacred determination. Let every aspiration
be upward, and be strong in every good, resolution. Seek the light,
for in light there is life, while in darkness there is decay and
death.

[Illustration: THE FIRST LOVE LETTER.]

[Illustration]


* * * * *

HOW TO WRITE ALL KINDS OF LETTERS.


1. From the President in his cabinet to the laborer in the street;
from the lady in her parlor to the servant in her kitchen; from the
millionaire to the beggar; from the emigrant to the settler; from
every country and under every combination of circumstances, letter
writing in all its forms and varieties is most important to the
advancement, welfare and happiness of the human family.

2. EDUCATION.--The art of conveying thought through the medium of
written language is so valuable and so necessary, a thorough knowledge
of the practice must be desirable to every one. For merely to write a
good letter requires the exercise of much of the education and talent
of any writer.

3. A GOOD LETTER.--A good letter must be correct in every mechanical
detail, finished in style, interesting in substance, and intelligible
in construction. Few there are who do not need write them; yet
a letter perfect in detail is rarer than any other specimen of
composition.

4. PENMANSHIP.--It is folly to suppose that the faculty for writing a
good hand is confined to any particular persons. There is no one who
can write at all, but what can write well, if only the necessary pains
are practiced. Practice makes perfect. Secure a few copy books and
write an hour each day. You will soon write a good hand.

5. WRITE PLAINLY.--Every word of even the most trifling document
should be written in such clear characters that it would be impossible
to mistake it for another word, or the writer may find himself in the
position of the Eastern merchant who, writing to the Indies for five
thousand mangoes, received by the next vessel five hundred monkies,
with a promise of more in the next cargo.

6. HASTE.--Hurry is no excuse for bad writing, because any one of
sense knows that everything hurried is liable to be ruined. Dispatch
may be acquired, but hurry will ruin everything. If, however, you must
write slowly to write well, then be careful not to hurry at all, for
the few moments you will gain by rapid writing will never compensate
you for the disgrace of sending an ill-written letter.

7. NEATNESS.--Neatness is also of great importance. A fair white sheet
with handsomely written words will be more welcome to any reader than
a blotted, bedaubed page covered with erasures and dirt, even if
the matter in each be of equal value and interest. Erasures, blots,
interlineations always spoil the beauty of any letter.

8. BAD SPELLING.--When those who from faulty education, or
forgetfulness are doubtful about the correct spelling of any word,
it is best to keep a dictionary at hand, and refer to it upon such
occasions. It is far better to spend a few moments in seeking for a
doubtful word, than to dispatch an ill-spelled letter, and the
search will probably impress the spelling upon the mind for a future
occasion.

9. CARELESSNESS.--Incorrect spelling will expose the most important
or interesting letter to the severest sarcasm and ridicule. However
perfect in all other respects, no epistle that is badly spelled will
be regarded as the work of an educated gentleman or lady. Carelessness
will never be considered, and to be ignorant of spelling is to expose
an imperfect education at once.

10. AN EXCELLENT PRACTICE.--After writing a letter, read it over
carefully, correct all the errors and re-write it. If you desire to
become a good letter writer, improve your penmanship, improve your
language and grammar, re-writing once or twice every letter that you
have occasion to write, whether on social or business subjects.

11. PUNCTUATION.--A good rule for punctuation is to punctuate where
the sense requires it, after writing a letter and reading it over
carefully you will see where the punctuation marks are required, you
can readily determine where the sense requires it, so that your letter
will convey the desired meaning.

[Illustration]

12. CORRESPONDENCE.--There is no better school or better source for
self-improvement than a pleasant correspondence between friends. It
is not at all difficult to secure a good list of correspondents if
desired. The young people who take advantage of such opportunities
for self-improvement will be much more popular in the community and in
society. Letter writing cultivates the habit of study; it cultivates
the mind, the heart, and stimulates self-improvement in general.

13. FOLDING.--Another bad practice with those unaccustomed to
corresponding is to fold the sheet of writing in such a fantastic
manner as to cause the receiver much annoyance in opening it. To the
sender it may appear a very ingenious performance, but to the receiver
it is only a source of vexation and annoyance, and may prevent the
communication receiving the attention it would otherwise merit.

14. SIMPLE STYLE.--The style of letter writing should be simple and
unaffected, not raised on stilts and indulging in pedantic displays
which are mostly regarded as cloaks of ignorance. Repeated literary
quotations, involved sentences, long-sounding words and scraps of
Latin, French and other languages are, generally speaking, out of
place, and should not be indulged in.

15. THE RESULT.--A well written letter has opened the way to
prosperity for many a one, has led to many a happy marriage and
constant friendship, and has secured many a good service in time of
need; for it is in some measure a photograph of the writer, and may
inspire love or hatred, regard or aversion in the reader, just as
the glimpse of a portrait often determine us, in our estimate, of
the worth of the person represented. Therefore, one of the roads
to fortune runs through the ink bottle, and if we want to attain a
certain end in love, friendship or business, we must trace out the
route correctly with the pen in our hand.

[Illustration]


* * * * *

HOW TO WRITE A LOVE LETTER.


1. LOVE.--There is no greater or more profound reality than love. Why
that reality should be obscured by mere sentimentalism, with all
its train of absurdities is incomprehensible. There is no nobler
possession than the love of another. There is no higher gift from one
human being to another than love. The gift and the possession are true
sanctifiers of life, and should be worn as precious jewels, without
affectation and without bashfulness. For this reason there is nothing
to be ashamed of in a love letter, provided it be sincere.

2. FORFEITS.--No man need consider that he forfeits dignity if he
speaks with his whole heart: no woman need fear she forfeits her
womanly attributes if she responds as her heart bids her respond.
"Perfect love casteth out fear" is as true now as when the maxim was
first given to the world.

3. TELLING THEIR LOVE.--The generality of the sex is, love to be
loved; how are they to know the fact that they are loved unless they
are told? To write a sensible love letter requires more talent than
to solve, with your pen, a profound problem in philosophy. Lovers must
not then expect much from each other's epistles.

4. CONFIDENTIAL.--Ladies and gentlemen who correspond with each other
should never be guilty of exposing any of the contents of any letters
written expressing confidence, attachment or love. The man who
confides in a lady and honors her with his confidence should be
treated with perfect security and respect, and those who delight in
showing their confidential letters to others are unworthy, heartless
and unsafe companions.

5. RETURN OF LETTERS.--If letters were written under circumstances
which no longer exist and all confidential relations are at an end,
then all letters should be promptly returned.

6. HOW TO BEGIN A LOVE LETTER.--How to begin a love letter has been no
doubt the problem of lovers and suitors of all ages and nations. Fancy
the youth of Young America with lifted pen, thinking how he shall
address his beloved. Much depends upon this letter. What shall he say,
and how shall he say it, is the great question. Perseverance, however,
will solve the problem and determine results.

7. FORMS OF BEGINNING A LOVE LETTER.--Never say, "My Dearest Nellie,"
"My Adored Nellie," or "My Darling Nellie," until Nellie has first
called you "My Dear," or has given you to understand that such
familiar terms are permissible. As a rule a gentleman will never
err if he says "Dear Miss Nellie," and if the letters are cordially
reciprocated the "Miss" may in time be omitted, or other familiar
terms used instead. In addressing a widow "Dear Madam," or, "My Dear
Madam," will be a proper form until sufficient intimacy will justify
the use of other terms.

8. RESPECT.--A lady must always be treated with respectful delicacy,
and a gentleman should never use the term "Dear" or "My Dear" under
any circumstances unless he knows it is perfectly acceptable or a long
and friendly acquaintance justifies it.

9. HOW TO FINISH A LETTER.--A letter will be suggested by the remarks
on how to begin one. "Yours respectfully," "Yours truly," "Yours
sincerely," "Yours affectionately," "Yours ever affectionately,"
"Yours most affectionately," "Ever yours," "Ever your own," or
"Yours," are all appropriate, each depending upon the beginning of the
letter. It is difficult to see any phrase which could be added to
them which would carry more meaning than they contain. People can sign
themselves "adorers" and such like, but they do so at the peril of
good taste. It is not good that men or women "worship" each other--if
they succeed in preserving reciprocal love and esteem they will have
cause for great contentment.

10. PERMISSION.--No young man should ever write to a young lady any
letter, formal or informal, unless he has first sought her permission
to do so.

11. SPECIAL FORMS.--We give various forms or models of love letters to
be _studied, not copied._ We have given no replies to the forms given,
as every letter written will naturally suggest an answer. A careful
study will be a great help to many who have not enjoyed the advantages
of a literary education.

[Illustration]


* * * * *

FORMS OF SOCIAL LETTERS.


_1.--From a Young Lady to a Clergyman Asking a Recommendation._

Nantwich, May 18th, 1915

Reverend and Dear Sir:

Having seen an advertisment for a school mistress in the Daily
Times, I have been recommended to offer myself as a candidate.
Will you kindly favor me with a testimonial as to my
character, ability and conduct while at Boston Normal School?
Should you consider that I am fitted for the position,
you would confer a great favor on me if you would interest
yourself in my behalf.

I remain, Reverend Sir,
Your most obedient and humble servant,
LAURA B. NICHOLS.


_2.--Applying for a Position as a Teacher of Music._

Scotland, Conn., January 21st, 1915

Madam,

Seeing your advertisement in The Clarion of to-day, I write to
offer my services as a teacher of music in your family.

I am a graduate of the Peabody Institute, of Baltimore, where
I was thoroughly instructed in instrumental and vocal music.

I refer by permission to Mrs. A.J. Davis, 1922 Walnut Street;
Mrs. Franklin Hill, 2021 Spring Garden Street, and Mrs.
William Murray, 1819 Spruce Street, in whose families I have
given lessons.

Hoping that you may see fit to employ me, I am,
Very respectfully yours,
NELLIE REYNOLDS.


_3.--Applying for a Situation as a Cook._

Charlton Place, September 8th, 1894.

Madam:

Having seen your advertisement for a cook in to-day's Times,
I beg to offer myself for your place. I am a thorough cook. I
can make clear soups, entrees, jellies, and all kinds of made
dishes. I can bake, and am also used to a dairy. My wages are
$4 per week, and I can give good reference from my last place,
in which I lived for two years. I am thirty-three years of
age.

I remain, Madam,
Yours very respectfully,
MARY MOONEY.


_4.--Recommending a School Teacher._

Ottawa, Ill., February 10th, 1894.

Col. Geo. H. Haight,
President Board of Trustees, etc.

Dear Sir: I take pleasure in recommending to your favorable
consideration the application of Miss Hannah Alexander for the
position of teacher in the public school at Weymouth.

Miss Alexander is a graduate of the Davidson Seminary, and for
the past year has taught a school in this place. My children
have been among her pupils, and their progress has been
entirely satisfactory to me.

Miss Alexander is a strict disciplinarian, an excellent
teacher, and is thoroughly competent to conduct the school for
which she applies.

Trusting that you may see fit to bestow upon her the
appointment she seeks, I am.

Yours very respectfully,
ALICE MILLER.


_5.--A Business Introduction._

J.W. Brown, Earlville, Ill.
Chicago, Ill., May 1st, 1915

My Dear Sir: This will introduce to you Mr. William Channing,
of this city, who visits Earlville on a matter of business,
which he will explain to you in person. You can rely upon his
statements, as he is a gentleman of high character, and should
you be able to render him any assistance, it would be greatly
appreciated by

Yours truly,
HAIGHT LARABEE.


_6.--Introducing One Lady to Another._

Dundee, Tenn., May 5th, 1894.

Dear Mary:

Allow me to introduce to you my ever dear friend, Miss Nellie
Reynolds, the bearer of this letter. You have heard me speak
of her so often that you will know at once who she is. As I
am sure you will be mutually pleased with each other, I have
asked her to inform you of her presence in your city. Any
attention you may show her will be highly appreciated by

Yours affectionately,
LIZZIE EICHER.


_7.--To a Lady, Apologizing for a Broken Engagement._

Albany, N.Y., May 10th, 1894.

My Dear Miss Lee:

Permit me to explain my failure to keep my appointment with
you this evening. I was on my way to your house, with the
assurance of a pleasant evening, when unfortunately I was very
unexpectedly called from home on very important business.

I regret my disappointment, but hope that the future may
afford us many pleasant meetings.

Sincerely your friend,
IRVING GOODRICH.


_8.--Form of an Excuse for a Pupil._

Thursday Morning, April 4th

Mr. Bunnel:

You will please excuse William for non-attendance at school
yesterday, as I was compelled to keep him at home to attend to
a matter of business. MRS. A. SMITH.


_9.--Form of Letter Accompanying a Present._

Louisville, July 6, 1895

My Dearest Nelly:

Many happy returns of the day. So fearful was I that it would
escape your memory, that I thought I would send you this
little trinket by way of reminder, I beg you to accept it and
wear it for the sake of the giver. With love and best wishes.

Believe me ever, your sincere friend,
CAROLINE COLLINS.


_10.--Returning Thanks for the Present._

Louisville, July 6, 1894.

Dear Mrs. Collins:

I am very much obliged to you for the handsome bracelet
you have sent me. How kind and thoughtful it was of you to
remember me on my birthday. I am sure I have every cause to
bless the day, and did I forget it, I have many kind friends
to remind me of it. Again thanking you for your present, which
is far too beautiful for me, and also for your kind wishes.

Believe me, your most grateful,
BERTHA SMITH.


_11.--Congratulating a Friend Upon His Marriage._

Menton, N.Y., May 24th, 1894.

My Dear Everett:

I have, to-day received the invitation to your wedding, and
as I cannot be present at that happy event to offer my
congratulations in person, I write.

I am heartily glad you are going to be married, and
congratulate you upon the wisdom of your choice. You have won
a noble as well as a beautiful woman, and one whose love will
make you a happy man to your life's end. May God grant that
trouble may not come near you but should it be your lot, you
will have a wife to whom you can look with confidence for
comfort, and whose good sense and devotion to you will be your
sure and unfailing support.

That you may both be very happy, and that your happiness may
increase with your years, is the prayer of

Your Friend, FRANK HOWARD.


* * * * *

LETTER WRITING.


Any extravagant flattery should be avoided, both as tending to disgust
those to whom it is addressed, as well as to degrade the writers,
and to create suspicion as to their sincerity. The sentiments should
spring from the tenderness of the heart, and, when faithfully and
delicately expressed, will never be read without exciting sympathy or
emotion in all hearts not absolutely deadened by insensibility.


DECLARATION OF AFFECTION.

Dear Nellie: Will you allow me, in a few plain and simple
words, respectfully to express the sincere esteem and
affection I entertain for you, and to ask whether I may
venture to hope that these sentiments are returned? I love
you truly and earnestly and knowing you admire frankness
and candor in all things, I cannot think that you will take
offense at this letter. Perhaps it is self-flattery to suppose
I have any place in your regard. Should this be so, the error
will carry with it its own punishment, for my happy dream will
be over. I will try to think otherwise, however, and shall
await your answer with hope. Trusting soon to hear from you, I
remain, dear Nellie.

Sincerely Yours,
J.L. Master

To Miss Nellie Reynolds,
Hartford, Conn.

[Illustration]


* * * * *

FORMS OF LOVE LETTERS.


_12.--An Ardent Declaration._

Naperville, Ill., June 10th, 1915

My Dearest Laura:

I can no longer restrain myself from writing to you, dearest
and best of girls, what I have often been on the point of
saying to you. I love you so much that I cannot find words in
which to express my feelings. I have loved you from the very
first day we met, and always shall. Do you blame me because I
write so freely? I should be unworthy of you if I did not tell
you the whole truth. Oh, Laura, can you love me in return?
I am sure I shall not be able to bear it if your answer is
unfavorable. I will study your every wish if you will give
me the right to do so. May I hope? Send just one kind word to
your sincere friend.

HARRY SMITH.


_13.--A Lover's Good-bye Before Starting on a Journey._

Pearl St., New York, March 11th, 1894.

My Dearest Nellie: I am off to-morrow, and yet not altogether,
for I leave my heart behind in your gentle keeping. You need
not place a guard over it, however, for it is as impossible
that it should stay away, as for a bit of steel to rush from a
magnet. The simile is eminently correct for you, my dear girl,
are a magnet, and my heart is as true to you as steel. I shall
make my absence as brief as possible. Not a day, not an hour,
not a minute, shall I waste either in going or returning. Oh,
this business; but I wont complain, for we must have something
for our hive besides honey--something that rhymes with it--and
that we must have it, I must bestir myself. You will find me
a faithful correspondent. Like the spider, I shall drop a line
by (almost) every post; and mind, you must give me letter for
letter. I can't give you credit. Your returns must be prompt
and punctual.

Passionately yours,
LEWIS SHUMAN.

To Miss Nellie Carter,
No. -- Fifth Avenue, New York.


_14.--From an Absent Lover._

Chicago, Ill., Sept. 10, 1915

My Dearest Kate: This sheet of paper, though I should cover
it with loving words, could never tell you truly how I long
to see you again. Time does not run on with me now at the
same pace as with other people; the hours seem days, the days
weeks, while I am absent from you, and I have no faith in the
accuracy of clocks and almanacs. Ah! if there were truth in
clairvoyance, wouldn't I be with you at this moment! I wonder
if you are as impatient to see me as I am to fly to you?
Sometimes it seems as if I must leave business and every
thing else to the Fates, and take the first train to Dawson.
However, the hours do move, though they don't appear to, and
in a few more weeks we shall meet again. Let me hear from you
as frequently as possible in the meantime. Tell me of your
health, your amusements and your affections.

Remember that every word you write will be a comfort to me.

Unchangeably yours,
WILLIAM MILLER.

To Miss Kate Martin,
Dawson, N.D.


_15.--A Declaration of Love at First Sight._

Waterford, Maine, May 8th, 1915

Dear Miss Searles:

Although I have been in your society but once the impression
you have made upon me is so deep and powerful that I cannot
forbear writing to you, in defiance of all rules of etiquette.
Affection is sometimes of slow growth but sometimes it springs
up in a moment. In half an hour after I was introduced to you
my heart was no longer my own, I have not the assurance
to suppose that I have been fortunate enough to create any
interest in yours; but will you allow me to cultivate your
acquaintance in the hope or being able to win your regard in
the course of time? Petitioning for a few lines in reply.

I remain, dear Miss Searles,
Yours devotedly,
E.C. NICKS.

Miss E. Searles,
Waterford, Maine.


_16.--Proposing Marriage._

Wednesday, October 20th, 1894

Dearest Etta:

The delightful hours I have passed in your society have left
an impression on my mind that is altogether indelible,
and cannot be effaced even by time itself. The frequent
opportunities I have possessed, of observing the thousand acts
of amiability and kindness which mark the daily tenor of your
life, have ripened my feelings of affectionate regard into
a passion at once ardent and sincere until I have at length
associated my hopes of future happiness with the idea of you
as a life partner, in them. Believe me, dearest Etta, this is
no puerile fancy, but the matured results of a long and warmly
cherished admiration of your many charms of person and mind.
It is love--pure devoted love, and I feel confident that your
knowledge of my character will lead you to ascribe my motives
to their true source.

May I then implore you to consult your own heart, and should
this avowal of my fervent and honorable passion for you
be crowned with your acceptance and approval, to grant me
permission to refer the matter to your parents. Anxiously
awaiting your answer,

I am, dearest Etta,
Your sincere and faithful lover,
GEO. COURTRIGHT.

To Miss Etta Jay,
Malden, Ill.


_17.--From a Gentleman to a Widow._

Philadelphia, May 10th, 1915

My Dear Mrs. Freeman:

I am sure you are too clear-sighted not to have observed the
profound impression which your amiable qualities, intelligence
and personal attractions have made upon my heart, and as you
nave not repelled my attentions nor manifested displeasure
when I ventured to hint at the deep interest I felt in your
welfare and happiness, I cannot help hoping that you will
receive an explicit expression of my attachments, kindly and
favorably. I wish it were in my power to clothe the feelings
I entertain for you in such words as should make my pleadings
irresistible; but, after all, what could I say, more than you
are very dear to me, and that the most earnest desire of my
soul is to have the privilege of calling you my wife? Do
you, can you love me? You will not, I am certain, keep me in
suspense, for you are too good and kind to trifle for a moment
with sincerity like mine. Awaiting your answer,

I remain with respectful affection,
Ever yours,
HENRY MURRAY.

Mrs. Julia Freeman,
Philadelphia.


_18.--From a Lady to an Inconstant Lover._

Dear Harry:

It is with great reluctance that I enter upon a subject which
has given me great pain, and upon which silence has become
impossible if I would preserve my self-respects. You cannot
but be aware that I have just reason for saying that you have
much displeased me. You have apparently forgotten what is due
to me, circumstanced as we are, thus far at least. You cannot
suppose that I can tamely see you disregard my feelings, by
conduct toward other ladies from which I should naturally
have the right to expect you to abstain. I am not so vulgar a
person as to be jealous. When there is cause to infer changed
feelings, or unfaithfulness to promises of constancy, jealousy
is not the remedy. What the remedy is I need not say--we both
of us have it in our hands. I am sure you will agree with me
that we must come to some understanding by which the future
shall be governed. Neither you nor I can bear a divided
allegiance. Believe me that I write more in sorrow than
in anger. You have made me very unhappy, and perhaps
thoughtlessly. But it will take much to reassure me of your
unaltered regard.

Yours truly,
EMMA.

[Illustration: HEALTHFUL OUTDOOR EXERCISE.]

[Illustration: THE HUMAN FACE, LIKE A FLOWER, SPEAKS FOR ITSELF.]


* * * * *

HINTS AND HELPS ON GOOD BEHAVIOR AT ALL TIMES AND AT ALL PLACES.


1. It takes acquaintance to found a noble esteem, but politeness
prepares the way. Indeed, as ontaigne [Transcriber's note: Montaigne?]
says, Courtesy begets esteem at sight. Urbanity is half of affability,
and affability is a charm worth possessing.

2. A pleasing demeanor is often the scales by which the pagan weighs
the Christian. It is not virtue, but virtue inspires it. There are
circumstances in which it takes a great and strong soul to pass under
the little yoke of courtesy, but it is a passport to a greater soul
standard.

3. Matthew Arnold says, "Conduct is three-fourths of character,"
and Christian benignity draws the line for conduct. A high sense of
rectitude, a lowly soul, with a pure and kind heart are elements
of nobility which will work out in the life of a human being at
home--everywhere. "Private refinement makes public gentility."

4. If you would conciliate the favor of men, rule your resentment.
Remember that if you permit revenge or malice to occupy your soul, you
are ruined.

5. Cultivate a happy temper; banish the blues; a cheerful saguine
spirit begets cheer and hope.

6. Be trustworthy and be trustful.

7. Do not place a light estimate upon the arts of good reading and
good expression; they will yield perpetual interest.

8. Study to keep versed in world events as well as in local
occurrences, but abhor gossip, and above all scandal.

9. Banish a self-conscience spirit--the source of much
awkwardness--with a constant aim to make others happy. Remember that
it is incumbent upon gentlemen and ladies alike to be neat in habits.

10. The following is said to be a correct posture for walking: Head
erect--not too rigid--chin in, shoulders back. Permit no unnecessary
motion about the thighs. Do not lean over to one side in walking,
standing or sitting; the practice is not only ungraceful, but it is
deforming and therefore unhealthful.

11. Beware of affectation and of Beau Brummel airs.

12. If the hands are allowed to swing in walking, the are should be
limited, and the lady will manage them much more gracefully, if they
almost touch the clothing.

13. A lady should not stand with her hands behind her. We could almost
say, forget the hands except to keep them clean, including the nails,
cordial and helpful. One hand may rest easily in the other. Study
repose of attitude here as well as in the rest of the body.

14. Gestures are for emphasis in public speaking; do not point
elsewhere, as a rule.

15. Greet your acquaintances as you meet them with a slight bow and
smile, as you speak.

16. Look the person to whom you speak in the eye. Never under any
circumstances wink at another or communicate by furtive looks.

17. Should you chance to be the rejected suitor of a lady, bear in
mind your own self-respect, as well as the inexorable laws of society,
and bow politely when you meet her. Reflect that you do not stand
before all woman-kind as you do at her bar. Do not resent the
bitterness of flirtation. No lady or gentleman will flirt. Remember
ever that painful prediscovery is better than later disappointment.
Let such experience spur you to higher exertion.

18. Discretion should be exercised in introducing persons. Of two
gentlemen who are introduced, if one is superior in rank or age, he is
the one to whom the introduction should be made. Of two social equals,
if one be a stranger in the place his name should be mentioned first.

19. In general the simpler the introduction the better.

20. Before introducing a gentleman to a lady, remember that she is
entitled to hold you responsible for the acquaintance. The lady is the
one to whom the gentleman is presented, which may be done thus: "Miss
A, permit me to introduce to you my friend, Mr. B."; or, "Miss A.,
allow me to introduce Mr. B." If mutual and near friends of yours, say
simply, "Miss A. Mr. B."

21. Receive the introduction with a slight bow and the acknowledgment,
"Miss A., I am happy to make your acquaintance"; or, "Mr. B., I
am pleased to meet you." There is no reason why such stereotyped
expressions should always be used, but something similar is expected.
Do not extend the hand usually.

22. A true lady will avoid familiarity in her deportment towards
gentlemen. A young lady should not permit her gentlemen friends to
address her by her home name, and the reverse is true. Use the title
Miss and Mr. respectively.

23. Ladies should be frank and cordial towards their lady friends, but
never gushing.

24. Should you meet a friend twice or oftener, at short intervals, it
is polite to bow slightly each time after the first.

25. A lady on meeting a gentleman with whom she has slight
acquaintance will make a medium bow--neither too decided nor too
slight or stiff.

26. For a gentleman to take a young lady's arm, is to intimate that
she is feeble, and young ladies resent the mode.

27. If a young lady desires to visit any public place where she
expects to meet a gentleman acquaintance, she should have a chaperon
to accompany her, a person of mature years When possible, and never a
giddy girl.

28. A lady should not ask a gentleman to walk with her.

[Illustration]


* * * * *

A COMPLETE ETIQUETTE IN A FEW PRACTICAL RULES.


_1. If you desire to be respected, keep clean. The finest attire and
decorations will add nothing to the appearance or beauty of an untidy
person._

_2. Clean clothing, clean skin, clean hands, including the nails, and
clean, white teeth, are a requisite passport for good society._

_3. A bad breath should be carefully remedied, whether it proceeds
from the stomach or from decayed teeth._

_4. To pick the nose, finger about the ears, or scratch the head or
any other part of the person, in company, is decidedly vulgar._

_5. When you call at any private residence, do not neglect to clean
your shoes thoroughly._

_6. A gentleman should always remove his hat in the presence of
ladies, except out of doors, and then he should lift or touch his hat
in salutation. On meeting a lady a well-bred gentleman will always
lift his hat._

_7. An invitation to a lecture, concert, or other entertainment,
may be either verbal or written, but should always be made at least
twenty-four hours before the time._

_8. On entering a hall or church the gentleman should precede the lady
in walking up the aisle, or walk by her side, if the aisle is broad
enough._

_9. A gentleman should always precede a lady upstairs, and follow her
downstairs._

_10. Visitors should always observe the customs of the church with
reference to standing, sitting, or kneeling during the services._

_11. On leaving a hall or church at the close of entertainment or
services, the gentleman should precede the lady._

_12. A gentleman walking with a lady should carry the parcels, and
never allow the lady to be burdened with anything of the kind._

_13. A gentleman meeting a lady on the street and wishing to speak to
her, should never detain her, but may turn around and walk in the same
direction she is going, until the conversation is completed._

_14. If a lady is traveling with a gentleman, simply as a friend, she
should place the amount of her expenses in his hands, or insist on
paying the bills herself._

_15. Never offer a lady costly gifts unless you are engaged to her,
for it looks as if you were trying to purchase her good-will; and when
you make a present to a lady use no ceremony whatever._

_16. Never carry on a private conversation in company. If secrecy is
necessary, withdraw from the company._

_17. Never sit with your back to another without asking to be
excused._

_18. It is as unbecoming for a gentleman to sit with legs crossed as
it is for a lady._

_19. Never thrum with your fingers, rub your hands, yawn or sigh aloud
in company._

_20. Loud laughter, loud talking, or other boisterous manifestations
should be checked in the society of others, especially on the street
and in public places._

_21. When you are asked to sing or play in company, do so without
being urged, or refuse in a way that shall be final; and when music is
being rendered in company, show politeness to the musician by giving
attention. It is very impolite to keep up a conversation. If you do
not enjoy the music keep silent._

_22. Contentions, contradictions, etc. in society should be carefully
avoided._

_23. Pulling out your watch in company, unless asked the time of
day, is a mark of the demi-bred. It looks as if you were tired of the
company and the time dragged heavily._

_24. You should never decline to be introduced to any one or all of
the guests present at a party to which you have been invited._

_25. A gentleman who escorts a lady to a party, or who has a lady
placed under his care, is under particular obligations to attend to
her wants and see that she has proper attention. He should introduce
her to others, and endeavor to make the evening pleasant. He should
escort her to the supper table and provide for her wants._

_26. To take small children or dogs with you on a visit of ceremony is
altogether vulgar, though in visiting familiar friends, children are
not objectionable._

[Illustration: Children should early be taught the lesson of Propriety
and Good Manners.]

[Illustration: AN EGYPTIAN BRIDE'S WEDDING OUTFIT.]

[Illustration]


* * * * *

ETIQUETTE OF CALLS.


In the matter of making calls it is the correct thing:

For the caller who arrived first to leave first.

To return a first call within a week and in person.

To call promptly and in person after a first invitation.

For the mother or chaperon to invite a gentleman to call.

To call within a week after any entertainment to which one has been
invited.

You should call upon an acquaintance who has recently returned from a
prolonged absence.

It as proper to make the first call upon people in a higher social
position, if one is asked to do so.

It is proper to call, after an engagement has been announced, or a
marriage has taken place, in the family.

For the older residents in the city or street to call upon the
newcomers to their neighborhood is a long recognized custom.

It is proper, after a removal from one part of the city to another, to
send out cards with one's new address upon them.

To ascertain what are the prescribed hours for calling in the place
where one is living, or making a visit, and to adhere to those hours
is a duty that must not be overlooked.

A gentleman should ask for the lady of the house as well as the young
ladies, and leave cards for her as well as for the head of the family.

[Illustration: _Improve Your Speech by Reading._]


* * * * *

ETIQUETTE IN YOUR SPEECH.


Don't say Miss or Mister without the person's name.

Don't say pants for trousers.

Don't say gents for gentlemen.

Don't say female for woman.

Don't say elegant to mean everything that pleases you.

Don't say genteel for well-bred.

Don't say ain't for isn't.

Don't say I done it for I did it.

Don't say he is older than me; say older than I.

Don't say she does not see any; say she does not see at all.

Don't say not as I know; say not that I know.

Don't say he calculates to get off; say he expects to get off.

Don't say he don't; say he doesn't.

Don't say she is some better; say she is somewhat better.

Don't say where are you stopping? say where are you staying?

Don't say you was; say you were.

Don't say I say, says I, but simply say I said.

Don't sign your letters yours etc., but yours truly.

Don't say lay for lie; lay expresses action; lie expresses rest.

Don't say them bonnets; say those bonnets.

Don't say party for person.

Don't say it looks beautifully, but say it looks beautiful.

Don't say feller, winder, to-morrer, for fellow, window, to-morrow.

Don't use slangy words; they are vulgar.

Don't use profane words; they are sinful and foolish.

Don't say it was her, when you mean it was she.

Don't say not at once for at once.

Don't say he gave me a recommend, but say he gave me a recommendation.

Don't say the two first for the first two.

Don't say he learnt me French; say he taught me French.

Don't say lit the fire; say lighted the fire.

Don't say the man which you saw; say the man whom you saw.

Don't say who done it; say who did it

Don't say if I was rich I would buy a carriage; say if I were rich.

Don't say if I am not mistaken you are in the wrong; say if I mistake
not.

Don't say who may you be; say who are you?

Don't say go lay down; say go lie down.

Don't say he is taller than me; say taller than I.

Don't say I shall call upon him; say I shall call on him.

Don't say I bought a new pair of shoes; say I bought a pair of new
shoes.

Don't say I had rather not; say I would rather not.

Don't say two spoonsful; say two spoonfuls.


* * * * *

ETIQUETTE OF DRESS AND HABITS.


Don't let one day pass without a thorough cleansing of your person.

Don't sit down to your evening meal before a complete toilet if you
have company.

Don't cleanse your nails, your nose or your ears in public.

Don't use hair dye, hair oil or pomades.

Don't wear evening dress in daytime.

Don't wear jewelry of a gaudy character; genuine jewelry modestly worn
is not out of place.

Don't overdress yourself or walk affectedly.

Don't wear slippers or dressing-gown or smoking-jacket out of your own
house.

Don't sink your hands in your trousers' pockets.

Don't whistle in public places, nor inside of houses either.

Don't use your fingers or fists to beat a tattoo upon floor desk or
window panes.

Don't examine other people's papers or letters scattered on their
desk.

Don't bring a smell of spirits or tobacco into the presence of ladies.

Never use either in the presence of ladies.

Don't drink spirits; millions have tried it to their sorrow.


* * * * *

ETIQUETTE ON THE STREET.


1. Your conduct on the street should always be modest and dignified.
Ladies should carefully avoid all loud and boisterous conversation or
laughter and all undue liveliness in public.

2. When walking on the street do not permit yourself to be
absent-minded, as to fail to recognize a friend; do not go along
reading a book or newspaper.

3. In walking with a lady on the street give her the inner side of
the walk, unless the outside if the safer part; in which case she is
entitled to it.

4. Your arm should not be given to any lady except your wife or a near
relative, or a very old lady, during the day, unless her comfort or
safety requires it. At night the arm should always be offered; also in
ascending the steps of a public building.

5. In crossing the street a lady should gracefully raise her dress
a little above her ankle with one hand. To raise the dress with both
hands is vulgar, except in places where the mud is very deep.

6. A gentleman meeting a lady acquaintance on the street should not
presume to join her in her walk without first asking her permission.

7. If you have anything to say to a lady whom you may happen to meet
in the street, however intimate you may be, do not stop her, but turn
round and walk in company with her; you can take leave at the end of
the street.

8. A lady should not venture out upon the street alone after dark. By
so doing she compromises her dignity, and exposes herself to indignity
at the hands of the rougher class.

9. Never offer to shake hands with a lady in the street if you have on
dark or soiled gloves, as you may soil hers.

10. A lady does not form acquaintances upon the street, or seek to
attract the attention of the other sex or of persons of her own sex.
Her conduct is always modest and unassuming. Neither does a lady
demand services or favors from a gentleman. She accepts them
graciously, always expressing her thanks. A gentleman will not stand
on the street corners, or in hotel doorways, or store windows and
gaze impertinently at ladies as they pass by. This is the exclusive
business of loafers.

11. In walking with a lady who has your arm, should you have to cross
the street, do not disengage your arm and go around upon the outside,
unless the lady's comfort renders it necessary. In walking with a
lady, where it is necessary for you to proceed singly, always go
before her.


* * * * *

ETIQUETTE BETWEEN SEXES.


1. A lady should be a lady, and a gentleman a gentleman under any and
all circumstances.

2. FEMALE INDIFFERENCE TO MAN.--There is nothing that affects
the nature and pleasure of man so much as a proper and friendly
recognition from a lady, and as women are more or less dependent upon
man's good-will, either for gain or pleasure, it surely stands to
their interest to be reasonably pleasant and courteous in his presence
or society. Indifference is always a poor investment, whether in
society or business.

3. GALLANTRY AND LADYISM should be a prominent feature in the
education of young people. Politeness to ladies cultivates the
intellect and refines the soul and he who can be easy and
entertaining in the society of ladies has mastered one of the greatest
accomplishments. There is nothing taught in school, academy or
college, that contributes so much to the happiness of man as a full
development of his social and moral qualities.

4. LADYLIKE ETIQUETTE.--No woman can afford to treat men rudely. A
lady must have a high intellectual and moral ideal and hold herself
above reproach. She must remember that the art of pleasing and
entertaining gentlemen is infinitely more ornamental than laces,
ribbons or diamonds. Dress and glitter may please man, but it will
never benefit him.

5. CULTIVATE DEFICIENCIES.--Men and women poorly sexed treat each
other with more or less indifference, whereas a hearty sexuality
inspires both to a right estimation of the faculties and qualities of
each other. Those who are deficient should seek society and overcome
their deficiencies. While some naturally inherit faculties as
entertainers others are compelled to acquire them by cultivation.

[Illustration: ASKING AN HONEST QUESTION.]

6. LADIES' SOCIETY.--He who seeks ladies' society should seek an
education and should have a pure heart and a pure mind. Read good,
pure and wholesome literature and study human nature, and you will
always be a favorite in the society circle.

7. WOMAN HATERS.--Some men with little refinement and strong sensual
feelings virtually insult and thereby disgust and repel every female
they meet. They look upon woman with an inherent vulgarity, and doubt
the virtue and integrity of all alike. But it is because they are
generally insincere and impure themselves, and with such a nature
culture and refinement are out of the question, there must be a
revolution.

8. MEN HATERS.--Women who look upon all men as odious, corrupt or
hateful, are no doubt so themselves, though they may be clad in
silk and sparkle with diamonds and be as pretty as a lily; but their
hypocrisy will out, and they can never win the heart of a faithful,
conscientious and well balanced man. A good woman has broad ideas and
great sympathy. She respects all men until they are proven unworthy.

9. FOND OF CHILDREN.--The man who is naturally fond of children will
make a good husband and a good father. So it behooves the young man,
to notice children and cultivate the art of pleasing them. It will be
a source of interest, education and permanent benefit to all.

10. EXCESSIVE LUXURY.--Although the association with ladies is an
expensive luxury, yet it is not an expensive education. It elevates,
refines, sanctifies and purifies, and improves the whole man. A young
man who has a pure and genuine respect for ladies, will not only make
a good husband, but a good citizen as well.

11. MASCULINE ATTENTION.--No woman is entitled to any more attention
than her loveliness and ladylike conduct will command. Those who are
most pleasing will receive the most attention, and those who desire
more should aspire to acquire more by cultivating those graces and
virtues which ennoble woman, but no lady should lower or distort her
own true ideal, or smother and crucify her conscience, in order
to please any living man. A good man will admire a good woman, and
deceptions cannot long be concealed. Her show of dry goods or glitter
of jewels cannot long cover up her imperfections or deceptions.

12. PURITY.--Purity of purpose will solve all social problems. Let all
stand on this exalted sexual platform, and teach every man just how
to treat the female sex, and every woman how to behave towards the
masculine; and it will incomparably adorn the manners of both, make
both happy in each other, and mutually develop each other's sexuality
and humanity.

[Illustration]

[Illustration]


* * * * *

PRACTICAL RULES ON TABLE MANNERS.


1. Help ladies with a due appreciation; do not overload the plate of
any person you serve. Never pour gravy on a plate without permission.
It spoils the meat for some persons.

2. Never put anything by force upon any one's plate. It is extremely
ill-bred, though extremely common, to press one to eat of anything.

3. If at dinner you are requested to help any one to sauce or gravy,
do not pour it over the meat or vegetables, but on one side of them.
Never load down a person's plate with anything.

4. As soon as you are helped, begin to eat, or at least begin to
occupy yourself with what you have before you. Do not wait till your
neighbors are served--a custom that was long ago abandoned.

5. Should you, however, find yourself at a table where they have the
old-fashioned steel forks, eat with your knife, as the others do, and
do not let it be seen that you have any objection to doing so.

6. Bread should be broken. To butter a large piece of bread and then
bite it, as children do, is something the knowing never do.

7. In eating game or poultry do not touch the bones with your fingers.
To take a bone in the fingers for the purpose of picking it, is looked
upon as being very inelegant.

8. Never use your own knife or fork to help another. Use rather the
knife or fork of the person you help.

9. Never send your knife or fork, or either of them, on your plate
when you send for second supply.

10. Never turn your elbows out when you use your knife and fork. Keep
them close to your sides.

11. Whenever you use your fingers to convey anything to your mouth or
to remove anything from the mouth, let it be the fingers of the left
hand.

12. Tea, coffee, chocolate and the like are drank from the cup and
never from the saucer.

13. In masticating your food, keep your mouth shut; otherwise you will
make a noise that will be very offensive to those around you.

14. Don't attempt to talk with a full mouth. One thing at a time is as
much as any man can do well.

15. Should you find a worm or insect in your food, say nothing about
it.

16. If a dish is distasteful to you, decline it, and without comment.

17. Never put bones or bits of fruit on the table cloth. Put them on
the side of your plate.

18. Do not hesitate to take the last piece on the dish, simply because
it is the last. To do so is to directly express the fear that you
would exhaust the supply.

19. If you would be what you would like to be--abroad, take care that
you _are_ what you would like to be--at home.

20. Avoid picking your teeth at the table if possible; but if you
must, do it, it you can, where you are not observed.

21. If an accident of any kind soever should occur during dinner, the
cause being who or what it may, you should not seem to note it.

22. Should you be so unfortunate as to overturn or to break anything,
you should make no apology. You might let your regret appear in your
face, but it would not be proper to put it in words.

[Illustration: A PARLOR RECITATION.]


* * * * *

SOCIAL DUTIES.


Man In Society is like a flower,
Blown in its native bed. 'Tis there alone
His faculties expanded in full bloom
Shine out, there only reach their proper use.
--COWPER.

The primal duties shine aloft like stars;
The charities that soothe, and heal, and bless,
Are scatter'd at the feet of man like flowers.
--WORDSWORTH.


1. MEMBERSHIP IN SOCIETY.--Many fail to get hold of the idea that they
are members of society. They seem to suppose that the social machinery
of the world is self-operating. They cast their first ballot with an
emotion of pride perhaps, but are sure to pay their first tax with
a groan. They see political organizations in active existence; the
parish, and the church, and other important bodies that embrace in
some form of society all men, are successfully operated; and yet these
young men have no part or lot in the matter. They do not think of
giving a day's time to society.

2. BEGIN EARLY.--One of the first things a young man should do is to
see that he is acting his part in society. The earlier this is begun
the better. I think that the opponents of secret societies in colleges
have failed to estimate the benefit which it must be to every
member to be obliged to contribute to the support of his particular
organization, and to assume personal care and responsibility as a
member. If these societies have a tendency to teach the lessons of
which I speak, they are a blessed thing.

3. DO YOUR PART.--Do your part, and be a man among men. Assume your
portion of social responsibility, and see that you discharge it well.
If you do not do this, then you are mean, and society has the right
to despise you just as much as it chooses to do so. You are, to use a
word more emphatic than agreeable, a sneak, and have not a claim upon
your neighbors for a single polite word.

4. A WHINING COMPLAINER.--Society, as it is called, is far more apt
to pay its dues to the individual than the individual to society. Have
you, young man, who are at home whining over the fact that you
cannot get into society, done anything to give you a claim to social
recognition? Are you able to make any return for social recognition
and social privileges? Do you know anything? What kind of coin do you
propose to pay in the discharge of the obligation which comes upon you
with social recognition? In other words, as a return for what you wish
to have society do for you, what can you do for society? This is a
very important question--more important to you than to society. The
question is, whether you will be a member of society by right, or
by courtesy. If you have so mean a spirit as to be content to be a
beneficiary of society--to receive favors and to confer none--you have
no business in the society to which you aspire. You are an exacting,
conceited fellow.

5. WHAT ARE YOU GOOD FOR?--Are you a good beau, and are you willing to
make yourself useful in waiting on the ladies on all occasions? Have
you a good set of teeth, which you are willing to show whenever
the wi